Been an awful good girl
your guide to GETTING good gifts this holiday season
Hi friends,
The season for gifting? No, the season for receiving.
Personally, shopping for other people is easy. Just ask them what they want and buy them that thing in your price range. There are an overwhelming about of gift guides that will tell you what to buy for every freak in your life. The work is done.
More difficult is deciding…what to ask for… no? What do I want? What the hell do I want? It’s enough to spark an identity crisis. And I cannot stress enough that it would behoove you to have a plan. This is the best time of year to stock up on good fun things for yourself. Don’t let the opportunity pass you by!
Lucky for you I’ve compiled a short list of stratagems to help:
BE OBSCURE
I told my boyfriend that I wanted some more perfume and coyly mentioned that I love the Hiram Green, an all natural line that has both complexity and moderate staying power (most natural perfumes fade immediately). What I was hoping for, and what I think I actually forced him to smell when we were in the Twisted Lily store in Brooklyn (sadly closed but their online store is great) and said something like “mm doesn’t this smell amazing?” is Slowdive, a photorealistic olfactory snapshot of waxy honeycomb. It’s kind of like a gourmand except you don’t want to eat it, it’s too intense, like you wouldn’t want to drink an entire cup of honey. It’s a boozy syrup smell but it has that beeswax note that keeps it interesting. And what did he get me? Arbolé Arbolé, a powdery patchouli named after a Lorca poem. Now, you must understand my surprise, as my two least favorite notes in perfume are powder and patchouli. Did he know me at all? Of course, better than I know myself. It became one of my favorite perfumes and even though I bought myself a bottle of Slowdive, I finished Arbolé faster. It’s like wearing a blanket around the house. Thank god he doesn’t listen to me! Allow someone a little wiggle room to interpret what you want and they might surprise you with something even better.
Boris also is a great gifter of jewelry. I tell him the desired category (big earrings, necklace I can dress up or down) and he buys the “second weirdest thing” he can find at either Glasswing or Velouria—odd enough to suit my taste and normal enough to suit his. My favorites are a pair of earrings that look like tuning fork mobiles.
HOST A PARTY
The best way to stock your bar is by hosting a party. I refresh mine with a bottle or two to make a specialty cocktail, but in my experience I end up with more on my bar than before. My friends are generous and have fun taste so I wind up with booze I wouldn’t have picked up for myself, like ume whiskey, delicious rye, and amaro. If you’re looking to try something new, have a holiday party and see what you’re left with!
My dad has some wonderful, sweet, interesting friends that have been like uncles to me through the years. Michael, a shy photographer, gifted me a book of Lee Friedlander’s party photography when he came to my house for Christmas. Such a great gift! Glossy oversized artbooks can be found for less than $20 at a used bookstore. Members of older generations tend to be really thoughtful about bringing gifts so invite a few of them.
One of my most prized possessions is my scribbled up copy of Ulysses. I had it with me during my birthday party (June 16th, Bloomsday!) at the Redwood in Seattle (RIP, the best bar to ever exist, owned and staffed by members of Carissa’s Wierd, aka Band of Horses when they were good). My friends passed it around and put notes of encouragement and doodles throughout for me to find. Ask your pals to do this with any tome you’ve been meaning to read. I recommend lighthearted Russian classics Dead Souls (the Pevear and Volokhonsky translation) and The Master and Margarita (the Ginsburg translation).
BE EXPLICIT
Sending your partner links to lingerie is perfectly acceptable because while they might not get the pleasure of finding the perfect gift for you, the use of the gift will be a pleasure for you both. Lola put me onto Simone Perele sets. A fussier, more expensive version of a thing you’d buy for yourself is the perfect thing to ask for.
My mom gave me the most hilariously terrible gifts. I mean they really would boggle my mind. If you have narcissistic parents you understand…. Her dad, my grandfather, was a bounty hunter. I would ask her to donate to The Bail Project in lieu of gifts. This drove her crazy, but to her credit, she did it (I hope).
My best friend Lola and I have somehow ensnared ourselves in an anxiety spiral of gift giving. We are stuck in a loop of one upping our gifts from the occasion before, seeing if we can get the most appropriate gift for the other person. It might have started when I mentioned that chickens are my favorite animal, so she got me a painting of a chicken. My comments about needing housewares got me charming platters, mugs, and cups, her comments about pepper grinders got her a pepper grinder. Although these are practical gifts, because at least Lola has good taste, they are always delightful too. If you believe that the element of surprise is essential to gift giving, I recommend dropping so many hints that you don’t know which one they’re going to pick up on.
BE IGNORANT
My former boss at Wave, Joshua, is a maestro of gift giving. His gifts were never expensive but they were the perfect apex of personal, thoughtful, surprising, and educational. He taught me pretty much everything I know and his gifts were a part of this mentorship. I started a zine and he gave me a copy of The Hasty Papers by Alfred Leslie. I mentioned that I was teaching myself to cook and he got me a copy of Oishinbo and a bottle of pink sake. I complained to him that I was having trouble writing a poem about croissants and he gave me a copy of The Epickall Quest of the Brothers Dichtung and Other Outrages by Fluxus founder Dick Higgins. If you have ever received a card from me, it was written with my cursive typewriter, another gift from Joshua along with a demonstration on how to find and thread vintage typewritter ribbon. When I left Wave for New Directions, he gave me a first edition hardcover copy of Denise Levertov’s tragically out of print Poet in the World. Get yourself a good mentor and you will want for nothing.
If you are the sort of person who seems like they need an education, and you have friends with expert taste, you will be overwhelmed with what they have to teach you! When I told my friend Richard that I was going to read Ulysses, he gave me a book of Ulysses annotations. He sends me DVDs—still a great gift, keep your DVD player!—of movies he thinks I’ll enjoy, and he’s never wrong. I mentioned Trouble in Mind in my last newsletter, which was an inspired gift from Richard. Others are Rohmer’s Chloe in the Afternoon, Medem’s The Red Squirrel, and Tarr’s Damnation, which admittedly I haven’t watched yet (sorry Richard). Does anyone want to come over this winter and watch "some of the most magnificent black-and-white images shot anywhere in the world” (The Village Voice)? Let me know. Don’t be afraid to sound ignorant! Your friends, if they are kind, won’t judge you, but instead share with you the things that they love.
I wish you a warm and decadent winter, that you drink something cold and bubbly or hot and sweet, eat to your hearts content, and kiss your loved ones.
happy holidays! xx,
Brittany